we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Get over yourself and get over him. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. Please do better. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. What a door mat you are! But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. He didnt invest in your relationship. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. Shutterstock. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. Marriage to this woman would be the most stupid thing possible. You deserve better than that (and ditto what everyone else has said your beef is with your scumbag boyfriend, not the other girl or the baby). reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. iseeshiny But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. Now? Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. Then the unlikely happens. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. iseeshiny We all know that going in. When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. We tried to explain to my friend who isnt a fan how giving a blow job can make you feel empowered and sexy at the same time. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. I dont have a problem with that. There is no rhyme or reason. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. female You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. LW says they were separated for two months. And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. Bless This Mess. haha. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Why you ask? Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? There is no child at conception very good. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. Its the law. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. But it happened. I mean, seriously. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. I kept waiting for someone to say this. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. ele4phant And without condoms?! He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. Solved. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. And the man? Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. No one called him a criminal. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Ill never in a million years get it. I had no idea. submandave April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. Fine. Get your hands off my uterus! She wants to abort Jimmys baby. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. kerrycontrary He didnt expect that to happen. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. Bottom line. Fyrebyrd2 So true. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. bittergaymark The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. P.S. Argh. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. April 10, 2012, 7:02 pm. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. female haha I agree. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. I (28F) found out that my boyfriend (30M) is talking to another girl, just a day after we broke up (no proper closure). Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. This discussion sure got crazy though! April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. What a laugh. Fine, Ill support you in raising the child, but Im not prepared to be a dad. Yes, it is the less than desirable course to take but he is, in a way, owning up to his responsibility (monetarily). No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. Chuck Pelto He wants nothing to do with his own child. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. But not usually. You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. sorry, brain). Like being pregnant is easy. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. Men get a say in abortions? It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. You sound awfully bitter to me. we were truley in love. Youre wondering if he will marry her. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Trap Red Flag #1. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. That is really fucked up. evanscr05 Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years.

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