military aviation jokes

While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. What would As A.J. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 35. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Do you want to hear about my plane?. The Army will post guards around the building. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Good judgment comes from experience. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. He nodded. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. They all originally set out to become Marines. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. A military captain saying I was just thinking and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! 41. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? ! They know how to take up space. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. (Hang up. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. He had the same plane as yours. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. I just put them all together for your amusement. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? We have one or two in here! The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Gary Toohard. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Airmens mess, sir.. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. A LOOtenant! When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Did it work? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 2. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Yes, said the lieutenant. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? You can see why: ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Then one day I couldnt find it. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? They bagged six. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Me: Hello? S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Why won't you kiss me? She also liked her scotch. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. 29. Full Disclosure Here. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. 32. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest Anecdotes 1. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Want more amazing military jokes? Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. You had tents?" There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. 37. with someone braver than you.'. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Rodrigues there? Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. I'm impressed! The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Air Traffic Control 6. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. What did you do? The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. 12. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. How old are you? a tenant asked. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. What are you doing? I asked. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Why? I asked. But I am public affairs, I said. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 66. The tenant shook her head. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Learn from the mistakes of others. [Answered]. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Flight Announcements 4. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Military jokes! As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. We are directly under the moon.. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Later, I spoke with Mom. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Pizza de Resistance At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Dont think so? Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Whats an LMD? I asked. Me: No, I dont. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Rodrigues there? Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Why Do We Celebrate It? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Soldier: No, SIR!. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Aeronautical Humor. 28. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Anecdotes 2. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare.

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