how to handle a controlling coworker
While it’s super-frustrating to deal with a bossy coworker day in and day out, there are steps you can take to address the situation. Be polite but firm when your controlling colleague interrupts your work or attempts to delegate her work to you. Whether it's a boss, a co-worker, a friend, a sibling, a spouse, or a lover, it can make our lives very difficult. Tricia Goss' credits include Fitness Plus, Good News Tucson and Layover Magazine. Overly controlling people are often classified as “narcissists.” Narcissism is a personality disorder that breeds extreme self-absorption, need for praise, obsession with control, and a lack of empathy for others. It is important to know that narcissists are not always purely destructive. Stand Your Ground. She has a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and a JD from the University of Michigan. Literally watch what you say, as well: take down the minutes of your meetings and telephone calls. Provide a thoughtful but assertive reply, such as, "I understand you prefer it done that way, but this is my assignment and I am going to do it this way. This article was co-authored by Jessica Notini, JD. 1. Learn how to deal with coworkers who micromanage, obsess, pester and generally create more work for everyone involved so that you can accomplish more and stress less. But with the arrival of COVID-19, the stakes are higher than ever. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Respond. Set boundaries. Please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. That said, you’ve probably wound up here because you have your own bossy coworker to deal with – and luckily for you, we’ve compiled a list of the best tactics to get your controlling colleague off your back! She has also contributed to The Dollar Stretcher, Life Tips and Childcare Magazine. Narcissists at work: How to deal with arrogant, controlling, manipulative bullies Narcissistic employees -- yes, IT has its fair share -- can wreak havoc in the office and put your own job at risk. Learning how to cope with such a person in the workplace can, therefore, help you manage your stress and may even save your job. Avoid engaging with the controlling person. To prevent that, imagine a wall between you and the person, the psychologist suggests. If your co-worker is used to controlling others, they probably aren’t questioned a lot of... Don’t Argue with Them. Schedule a private meeting. Jessica Notini, JD. Learn what you need to know about 10 common coworker … The coworker micromanager may regularly overstep bounds by keeping tabs on your every move and essentially not allowing you to do your own job without interference. Almost everyone knows a person who has control issues. … If you are delivering a presentation, selling an idea or heading into a meeting, be confident in your own facts, Kerr says. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Make sure to let him know that you want him to be able to focus more on his high payoff activities, rather than tasks that you’re already handling. Learn how to write the PERFECT cover letter. Want to be able to think for yourself without someone breathing down your neck. He’s the annoying fellow from marketing who always points fingers telling you to clean up your desk and to find more clients. Stay Calm While it’s super-frustrating to deal with a bossy co-worker day in and day out, there are steps you can take to address the situation. Speak Up in the Moment. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Ask other coworkers who are frustrated with the control freak to support you if your manager resists taking action. Do you have a co-worker or boss who puts constant demands on you? Do not attempt to get your boss fired. While you cannot change someone behavior or personality, you can begin to respond differently. There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. How to Deal with a Controlling Co-Worker Ask Them Plenty of Questions. Sometimes there isn’t anything you can do to placate a control freak. If these methods still fail, you can consider taking it further and speaking to your boss about the situation. There are some times when ignoring the behavior is the best course of action. Ask them questions they don't know the answer to (about the job or company) and then if they don't know, you tell them the right answer. Tired of being bossed around and being told what to do? Tell your boss all the things that you appreciate about them, and then make specific and constructive suggestions. … State or reiterate your response when your coworker tries to guilt, cajole or bully you into doing what he wants you to do. Try to limit your interactions with your boss. If your coworker is bossy only at times, such as one particular task they used to do before you took over, but leaves you alone most of the time, it's perhaps best to just let it be and dismiss the bossiness on those occasions when they do intervene. Be respectful, have the conversation in private, and try to respect your coworker's perspective. We've been helping billions of people around the world continue to learn, adapt, grow, and thrive for over a decade. Enlist the help of your supervisor or human resources manager if your colleague's behavior is interfering with your work. Posted Aug 01, 2013 Although some people use their domineering attributes maliciously, many dominant personalities don't even realize how overbearing they are. You know who I’m talking about. Dealing with difficult situations at work is challenging, yet rewarding. Eat elsewhere if they take... 2. Does anybody... 3. 5 Effective Ways to Deal With the Office Control Freak 1. By using our site, you agree to our. Thanks for your input.". They want to control you. Last month we covered a few ways to help you deal with the office hothead. They may not even realize they're being controlling, but there's no way for you to know if you don't talk to them. They can bring positive qualities to a workplace. Respond to interfering or bossy comments with a vague and... 2. However, even if … How to Deal with Backstabbing Co-Workers – With the intense competition in the workplace nowadays, backstabbers like to cheat and slander their coworkers in order to look good in their bosses eyes.. Every dollar contributed enables us to keep providing high-quality how-to help to people like you. The most efficient way to handle manipulative behavior is to remain professional, refrain from speaking poorly of the person and try to determine some of their finer points. Learn what you need to know about 10 common coworker personality types and how you should deal with these issues. As said before, a narcissist will react poorly to a direct challenge and may... 3. Start with these four tactics: 1. How to Deal With Controlling Colleagues Identify the Problem. The friction of interacting with annoying coworkers actually presents a chance to cultivate essential leadership skills like assertiveness and confidence. 1. ... 8 Ways To Deal With Manipulators. Ignore the behavior. Expert Interview. Jessica Notini is a Negotiation and Mediation Coach practicing in California and internationally in many Latin countries. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Handling Controlling Co-Workers 1. What Do You Say in an Interview When They Ask if You Would Like Working Alone or in a Group? It is difficult to live with and almost impossible to change or control. Negotiation & Mediation Coach. Ask the person who’s actually in … Completing all the tasks on your to-do list is challenging enough without the additional anxiety and interruptions caused by an excessively controlling colleague. Cold behavior from your boss, hostility from formerly friendly colleagues, or any sudden change in normal behavior could signal that your co-worker is quietly sabotaging you. She was recognized for her leadership and years of dedication with the California Dispute Resolution Council’s 2012 Don Weckstein Award. Say, did you try the cookies in the break room?" Are you currently dealing with a difficult coworker? Focus on what you are already doing. How do you deal with a controlling person at work? How to Deal With a Supervisor Who Steals Your Work, How to Deal With Argumentative Co-workers, The Right Way to Tell Your Boss You're Not Getting Along With a Co-Worker, Psychology Today: How To Deal With A Control Freak, ASU Alumni Services: 4 Strategies for Dealing with a Micromanaging Boxx. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst. Delegate a minor but laborious aspect to him so that your meddling coworker feels as though his input is appreciated and required. This will give you support in case they make new demands or accuse you of breaking an agreement. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0e\/Find-Things-to-Talk-About-Step-30.jpg\/v4-460px-Find-Things-to-Talk-About-Step-30.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/0e\/Find-Things-to-Talk-About-Step-30.jpg\/aid1595997-v4-728px-Find-Things-to-Talk-About-Step-30.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Communicate very clearly about your project, timetables, and your client’s expectations. Recognize Pure Intentions. When she realizes you are not biting, she will take her bait elsewhere. Find a coworker they don’t boss around and have them coach you. “The key to handling a controlling co-worker is to understand very clearly where your and the controller’s responsibilities begin and end, says Klemp. How to Deal With Overly Controlling Coworkers 1. Do they criticize your work unreasonably but never accept responsibility for their own mistakes? Delegate a minor but laborious aspect to him so that your meddling coworker feels as though... 3. An obvious tactic is to avoid your co-worker if and when possible. Toxic coworkers can be hard to handle, but if you can grit your teeth and get through the workday without biting back, you’re already heading towards a good coping strategy. A controlling person will attempt to undermine your confidence by making jabs at you in private or public. A toxic coworker can leave you feeling down for hours or even days after they do something mean. Dominant people have a strong desire to take charge and get things accomplished their way. Ways to Avoid Confrontation With Your Boss. Avoid engaging with the controlling person. With a few tips, you can learn how to manage relationships with those who experience control issues. Explain to the person that you’re capable of doing your job, and ask for clarity on what tasks you should touch base on. Validate his reasoning. They’re likely not bossy with everyone. Ignore everything they do and say. Try this three-step approach to dealing with difficult people at the office : Identify the person that irks you. Give him something to do. You can make things more manageable by giving your coworker or loved one positive and constructive ways to challenge their controlling nature. How to Deal With Dominant Coworkers. This article has been viewed 86,276 times. Insecure colleagues might also be overly territorial and quick to blame others, and exhibit an excessive need to compete. Frame the issue so that it is about the workplace as a whole and not a personal complaint about them. She is the past Chair of the California State Bar Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee, served as the President of the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California (formerly NCMA), and was a member of the Board of Directors for the Mediation Society of San Francisco. Avoid, avoid, avoid. If he's a regular customer, you should give an discount but not too much tell him that this is a business and your doing this for a living. For instance, if your coworker tells you how she would write the report assigned to you, simply answer, "Oh yeah? 27 March 2020. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201408/8-ways-handle-narcissist, https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism, http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/241355, http://www.bpdcentral.com/blog/?Is-Your-Narcissist-the-Vulnerable-or-Grandiose-Type-22, https://www.theturngroup.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-client, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201201/was-steve-jobs-narcissism-justified, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/impossible-please/201407/coping-narcissistic-coworkers-some-unique-strategies, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201504/10-signs-your-co-worker-colleague-is-narcissist, http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/02/07/what-to-do-when-a-co-worker-tries-to-sabotage-your-career/, https://www.ivyexec.com/executive-insights/2014/8-ways-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-boss/, http://www.manipulative-people.com/dealing-with-a-narcissistic-boss-or-co-worker/, http://www.businessinsider.com/tips-for-handling-a-narcissistic-boss-2014-4, https://books.google.ca/books?id=7INpjDZ0UrcC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=narcissistic+boss+loyalty&source=bl&ots=aWgZs2ZvZO&sig=NqSpLNBTUf1NJ5ajU0g-FX86U0s&hl=en&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=narcissistic%20boss%20loyalty&f=false, https://www.themuse.com/advice/job-search-etiquette-a-qa-with-anna-post, Antisocial Borderline Histrionic and Narcissistic Disorders, Please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. Arguing won’t get you anywhere. If you had an experience dealing with annoying coworkers you may definitely point it out in your resume skills section. Ask Questions. Start with these four tactics: 1. She is also a Lecturer at Stanford Law School and an Adjunct Professor at Boalt School of Law, Hastings College of the Law, and Mills College's MBA Program. Inform her cordially and concisely that you cannot chat or take on another task. This type of behavior is not only a hassle for the victim—it can be a big problem for businesses. Respond to interfering or bossy comments with a vague and nonconfrontational response and then redirect the conversation. In every workplace, you will have difficult coworkers. She is certified in Microsoft application and served as the newsletter editor for OfficeUsers.org. When you’re dealing with someone who seems to want to micromanage every small detail of... 2. For example, they tend to be passionate about “their” projects; they can be strong leaders and be highly self-motivated; and they can be great at jobs in PR, marketing, social media, or other outreach. Now that you have that challenge under control, it’s time to deal with another headache in the workplace: the bossy coworker. Dealing with difficult coworkers, bosses, customers, clients, and friends is a skill worth perfecting. Is there’s someone else that seems to handle this bossy coworker well, ask them for some advice. Stand up without being confrontational. Give him something to do. Dealing with Coworkers Insecurity can show up in a workplace in many forms, including defensiveness, rudeness, hostility, jealousy and an inability to handle criticism. Your colleague has just taken charge and relegated you to a boring task again, and you’re really upset about it. The first step is to know how to identify who the connivers are amongst your co-workers, which can be a tricky task. Luckily, there are ways to deal with these people in a healthy way. Last Updated: October 8, 2020 Causes. "This review has helped me with an essay that I have to write.".