short funny affirmations

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 1. - Donald Trump. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. 96. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Thank God Im an atheist. 49. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 14. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Steven Alexander Wright Steven Alexander Wright. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 99. Short Funny Quotes. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. And get over it. 125. In the morning, I cant get up. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. 141. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 79. 12. 145. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 228. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 125. 202. 50. Why was six scared of seven? Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 1. 15. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 200. 234. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Albert Einstein Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. 6. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 120. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Effective pushing often involves poop. We need to hear a pin drop. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 124. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Flip Wilson Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 158. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. It makes them so damned mad. 7. 1. 61. 34. - Roy T. Bennett. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Today is a great day. 273. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 199. 227. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Good morning! Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 49. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. ~ Bill Gates. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Franklin Jones Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). Youre talking to yourself. Never ask a starfish for directions. 209. 75. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. health is important. I draw from my inner strength and light. 161. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Albert Einstein Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. It takes so little to change your life! Batwoman: single. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I always find something funny in every situation. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 149. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. I am awesome. 73. "Disconnect to connect.". Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. 107. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember 4. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 147. 5. 4. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Enjoy! Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 20. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 265. Positive mindset affirmations. Sam Levenson I never apologize. No No NOYes. 89. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 6. Czech proverb, 261. Your email address will not be published. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 273. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 5. 132. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Honolulu, its got everything. 2. 144. I am constantly growing and improving. Emphasis on the cool. Is it perfect? Your email address will not be published. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Everyone brings happiness to this office. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Life always offers you a second chance. 236. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Dave Barry After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 277. I did not trip and fall. Words have the power to make or break us. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Theres no stopping me now. Steve Martin, 254. 130. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 23. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Good morning! 202. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. - Kyle Chandler. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 77. 159. 231. 191. Sincerely, yourself. I didnt want to interrupt her. 101. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. We all need a little energy boost here and there. avoid carbs. 184. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Bill Murray, 251. Really? Walter Bagehot My jokes do. There are endless opportunities. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 254. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 3. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo Rodney Dangerfield. Best friends eat your food. 120. 213. Sincerely, yourself. Steven Wright, 252. Benjamin Franklin. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 167. Friends buy you food. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 150. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. 92. 235. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 241. 9. 2. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Wilson Mizner, 262. Make it inspiring. 233. Robert Bloch The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need Ann Landers - Unkmown. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 75. no rich foods. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 3. 26. I dont worry about getting older. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. Microchips. Cindy from Marzahn For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 223. 134. 212. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 225. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 153. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 208. 33. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 1. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Wilson Mizner Confidence makes me powerful. - Irish Saying. 184. 147. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I tried, but they wanted cash. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Theres life without Facebook and internet? 38. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 90. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Enjoy! Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 160. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 271. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 60. 55. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Pat Sajak 9. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Really? Ensure that your actions match your words. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 48. 130. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Gary Delaney Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. 2. 123. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. I am too lazy to be lazy. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. It makes them so damned mad. Because he was always spotted. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 220. 187. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. You have to go after it with a club. 110. Its okay, he woke up. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Edward A. Murphy. 170. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Bill Murray. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. In between, I am alive. Decomposing. A gummy bear. Bill Murray, 258. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 53. You can only be young once. Decomposing. 55. "I receive what I believe.". With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Good morning! Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 111. 264. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 58. 6. 122. You can only be young once. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Why cant you trust an atom? I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 205. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. 28. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. The only power you have is the word no. In between, I am alive. You wanna know who Im in love with? You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. I am my childs greatest comfort. A wishbone. 117. All you need is love. Short Funny Affirmations. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. 13. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Any text will do. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? You might use humor as a coping mechanism. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Today, I am thankful for this week. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. - Bob Hope. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 264. I accept my body the way it is today. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 196. Those who snore always fall asleep first. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Breasts dont have eyes. Send me the link. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. 194. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood Be careful when you follow the masses. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. - Billie Burke. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Run. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 68. 139. 98. 83. 41. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I believe in what's possible for me. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 168. - Bette Midler. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 188. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. And a funny bone. 63. 8. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Envelope. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 46. Because it was soda pressing. Paul Ehrlich Friends buy you food. 62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Robert Bloch. 190. 114. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. My mistakes dont define me. I receive what I believe. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Stop trying to make everyone happy. I am strong and getting stronger every day. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 14. Because they make up everything. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 266. Alison Boulter Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 243. 230. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 56. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 63. Short Funny Sayings Milton Berle 126. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 152. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 143. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". 7. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 192. 30. Its scary when it disappears. 136. 167. 144. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence 30. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?

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